I NOT-HEART Relationship Labels

I do not like the term boyfriend, girlfriend, manfriend, womanfriend, husband, wife, etc. I dislike those labels. They indicate possible types of relationship between yourself and your significant other, but your significant other HAS A FREAKIN' NAME, and his/her name is NOT "my/your boy/girl/man/women/husband/wife".

Another pet peeve is: Why do people have to be so fucking possessive?

My friend Dana and I shared the same problem. We've met male engineers who are so paranoid as to distance himself as soon as someone without a pair of testicles asks him a question.

For example:
"Hey Julian! I was wondering if I can ask you about Calc II...?"
"I'M MARRIED!!!!"
Silence. "oooook, I wasn't asking about that, but how do you do deriva..."
"I'M GETTING LAID, I SWEAR!!! KEEP YOUR ESTROGEN AWAY FROM ME!!! STOP TEMPTING ME!!!"
Slowly backing away.

Another scenario:
"Hi. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend."
"Hi there. I'm Bing. What's your name?"
"Oh that's not important. She's just my girlfriend."
Pauses. "Ok, but I'm sure she has a name, right?"
"No. She has, and will always be, my girlfriend."
Pauses. "No, she wasn't always your girlfriend unless you were both doing it in the womb since conception. And that's gross because that means you were committing incest way before your genitals were fully formed."
Cat hiss. "SHE'S MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND NOW LEAVE US ALONE!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK US UP!?!? I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU YOU STUPID WHORE!!?!"
I pounce on the asshole, with claws extended and proceeds to disembowel him. His girlfriend slowly comes out of the zombie trance.
"huh...what happened? Why is there blood everywhere?"
"uh...sorry, I just killed John. He was pissing me off. Now, what's your name?"
"Patty...you killed who?!"
"John...eh, your, um, boyfriend...?"
"I HAD ONE?!"

Ok, not an actual scenario, but you get the point (with a hint of mockery). I unfortunately, suffer a lively imagination.